What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
