i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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