i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Michael Bay diarrhea
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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