eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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