I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
