Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
