never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
