...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
