Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
