How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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