we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want to fling myself into the sun
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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