Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
