I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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