Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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