oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
