hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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