i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You made out with two different species that night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
