I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
