i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I deserve this hangover.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
