oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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