you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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