I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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