I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
