One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
