Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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