All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
