Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
