Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
