I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
