she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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