Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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