This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
