His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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