Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
