marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
