So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
