She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
