My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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