i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You've changed since you got that strap on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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