Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
