I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
