you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
