Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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