yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
