I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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