Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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