Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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