I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
