How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
