i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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